Resentment, resentment… blah, blah…here’s a personal story you can identify with…blah…blah. Who gives a shit. Here’s the deal:
Resentment is the pain that results from believing that something should be different than it is. It is an unconscious defense mechanism that protects our conscious mind against fear. Insomuch as it works it saves us from the hard work of having to change our beliefs to match reality, especially when to make that change before we are ready to integrate it, would work against the development of our own evolution. That is to say, resentments work really well to cope with persons/institutions you think suck… until they don’t. When they stop working, we get sicker and sicker until we transform, heal, change.
Most of us, instead of heal/transform immediately, just look to medicate ourselves to further avoid the consequences of holding onto resentment and fear. Medicating takes innumerable forms, from the obvious to the subtle. The obvious forms are easily recognizable – smoking, drinking, drugging, bingeing on sex, sugar, interwebs, news, porn. The more subtle compensations are more challenging to identify because they also operate unconsciously – excessive exercise, laziness, co-dependencies, playing the victim, workaholism, bullying, self-abuse.
Overcoming resentment is an inside job. There is nothing you can change externally that will solve your shit. If you change scenery the same resentment (fear) will just constellate around the next relationship or job or whatever the case may be until you learn to overcome it. You attract the forces that you need to learn from – the entire universe does this – it’s a wonder it takes people so long to discover this fundamental principle. BUT, awareness is just the first step. NEXT, comes practice.
I’m going to give you one concrete practice right now to over come resentment. It’s an inventory process called: WRITE IT DOWN!
1. Write down the WHO: (Who do you resent – a person, institution, idea?)
2. Write down the CAUSE: (Not a fucking book – just the cold details.)
3. Write down the AFFECT: (How does it affect you? Does it challenge your security, your finances, your relationships, pride?)
4. Write down YOUR ROLE: (What did you do to set the ball rolling? How did you react? What is your responsibility now?)
5. RELEASE all your shit to the universe, or better yet, to someone you trust. (Read all that you wrote!)
6. REPEAT! THE! PRACTICE! If internal (life-sucking) voices continue.
BAM! Repressed resentment will kill you. Don’t let it. Do the work to heal! The energy used to deny the resentment is equal to the work it takes to heal from it… SO… DO. THE. WORK.