Toe Nail

I want to write about my toe nail for a few minutes. Yesterday was the first day in my life that I have ever, EVER, lost a toe nail. I guess it was over a month ago that I kicked the shit out of a guy in a soccer game. I kicked his damn heel, hard. The entire game was a mess of frustration culminating in this silly injury. There’s a few paths of discussion I could take here. I do want to mention that I have played more soccer over the past year since my collegiate career. It’s been amazing and the result of more power, more love, and self-discipline than I’ve been able to conjure in many years. I worked hard for a few solid semesters in grad school but in college I had a level of persistence that only till recently I’ve been able to reproduce. I mean recently, like the past year. The past few months I have been loosing some momentum, but over all, in the past year I have experienced unprecedented growth – growth grounded in sustained relationships to community, professionalism, income, service, autonomy, sobriety. BUT, back to my toe. Yesterday I pilled the dead nail back from the un-wanting cuticle already hard at work to grow a new nail from beneath the dead material. The night of the injury I came home to find a bloody nail, not exceedingly painful. After a few pieces of sound advice from fb users (what other knowledge is there?) I took a 1/16 inch drill bit and like a surgeon bored half way through the nail and then used a needle to finish the job: Gushing, Squirting Blood! TRIUMPH! It is so fulfilling to drain wounds! Why is that? There’s an entire youtube archive for popping zits – just any kind of wound draining seems to capture the interest of on-lookers who refuse to turn away in disgust. It’s like peering into some world of materiality that shouldn’t be looked at, a fascination with the grotesque. Anyways, I worked on that toe for at least an hour. I let myself down though, I only recorded the beginning of the procedure. BOOOO!! I was thinking last night after I removed the nail to reveal the unfamiliar, gross vacancy beneath it that I should have taken a picture every day of its healing process. Apologies for that failure. But, I have wondered what other things I might draw from my nail. What other meanings are there? Is my toe a symbolic representation of some other sort of shift within me, a physical, external representation of a psychic, internal transformation? I haven’t figured it out yet. But let me know if you think of anything! Thanks.

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