Everyday for the past three weeks there have been explosions at my school. No one is immune to the violent irruptions! The whole building shakes from the shock waves. They come in the late afternoon now. It’s construction. It’s digging… or more accurately – blowing up rock – I guess. Across the street they are exploding through the ground for another apartment building. The sudden deafening noise comes so quickly the body doesn’t have time to react. It’s stunning to the body, the heart skips, the adrenaline response kicks in… there’s no stopping it. The body is so slow; it was never made to cope with C4 or guns. I would be vaporized before any of those somatic responses kicked in if it were an actual bomb. Today I couldn’t help but think about how damaging it must be to the psychic well-being of everyone to continually cope and integrate this very human response to explosions.
Does everything breath together? I experience this more and more. The explosions started just about the time that I lost my temper with my students. I was a participant, a responsible agent of a violent irruption of anger that also severed the psychic well being of many people – students, administration, parents. The week before last the tears flowed and just about that time I believe the frequency of the explosions increased and since then they seem to be less and less frequent.
The past week my heart has been settling. I’ve been having fewer and fewer conversations with people who aren’t there. They start up with some passing trigger like, “I believe I should be paid more…” and off I go into an imaginary conversation with my boss who is on the other side of the planet. I’m not dismissing the obvious power of psychic interconnection and interdependency. I’m just merely pointing out how I loose a precious sense of peace. It is often lain on the chopping block in favor of being “right” – at least in my head. Thankfully, I’m getting much better at “Letting go and letting God.” Principally, the matter lies in right action – one of guiding lights written in the 8 Fold Path of Buddhism.
I’ve been thinking some time about starting a video blog.