White Privilege and The Little Things

It the little things that make being white sooo good. Like good ice cubes. Who notices good ice? White people. Good ice is compressed ice, with little oxygen mixed up in the freezing. Why? For our drinks of course, and my favorite – coke. Only white people resist coke, for their health. But if you get a coke, and it doesn’t come from McDonalds – McDonalds, hands down, has the best fountain coke on the planet – then you must put the coke over good cold, compressed ice, otherwise you’ll have a flat coke almost immediately. Good ice comes from ice you’ll get from the freezers of 7-11 or the grocery store, or if your as privileged as I am you’ll find good ice in bars like Trick Dog, Potrero, SF – they offer oversized compressed ice cubes that almost take up the entire glass.

Then there’s another little thing white privilege likes very much: peeling off stickers that don’t rip. How that is as satisfying as its is, we will never know. I guess all of us living in the contemptorary world have encountered shit stickers. We spend precious life hours of energy, developing conditions of OCD to go over, nail scratching resistent stickers. We blame them for doing what they were made to do – stick. BUT, every once in a while – and I would argue more often as sticker tact develops and becomes more friendly to our sticky dilemmas of controlling every little thing we place our hands on – we get the privilege, a white privilege, of peeling a sticker off cleanly. Oh, how wonderful the technique! Oh, how blessed the day! We didn’t know something so little, and so particular to our time, could so powerfully bring our attitudes to soaring heights of accomplishment.

Then there’s the bottle cap pop. I’ve been eating lunch at a cafe and ordering SNAPLES. Most people think of the sound – that subtle, “POP” as you twist off the cap. But, there is also a particular feeling to opening the untapped bottle… the subtle vibrations that give rise to the “POP.” It is  the breaking of the seal, the loss of bottle virginity! Here is freshness, newness, purity, capitalism in a twist! “For your behalf… you and only you!” “You’re exceptional.” Or at least, “You’re unique.” “We made this for you, for you to open and enjoy – you, you white person.”

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