I just read this article:
‘I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother’: A Mom’s Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America
It was posted on Facebook by a few different women I really respect. Its a struggle all around. We’re all in it together. It is a powerful article highlighting the extreme difficulties parenting a child with mental illness. It is well communicated and powerful; it is angry, confused, and frustrated.
“I Am Adam” is the title of my blog. I stand as an “Adam” who has faced issues of mental illness. I have been living through an intensity of healing over the past few years. I do recovery work. I strategically define myself as an addict. What I am is angry. I’ve been healing from anger through work in community. When I read this article I couldn’t help feel the anger. It resonates the anger and fear felt by this family and our nation. Funny that our mother her read’s Mother Jones – super powerful and thrives on frustation and self-justified anger.
I wanted to express my responses in the order that they came. I was attempting to post them publicly and kept needing to change them.
This was my first reaction to the article I attempted to post on gawker.com but failed:
Jesus… this woman and her children … need to find a community – where the boy can have some male roll models! He needs a father! ?? Its not “mental illness” – its a lack of good orderly direction from a well grounded social context. He is his mothers internalized rage at men.
This is my second post to the article I just about posted under on my friends facebook post but changed my mind:
Its super difficult. He needs father. And the family needs a community. She’s right she does need help – that’s the first step. The solutions are simple but they take time and their not easy. Almost everyone separates “mental illness” from its manifestation within social context. This boy is his mothers internalized repressed rage externalized. But at this point – even simplest solutions will take years of new practice. If shared pain is what is meant to be expressed here the feeling are mutual. We feel ya. It takes work to deal with anger. My suggestion: find a 12 step community and emerse yourself in the work of recovery.
And then again – my third formulation that I did not post:
I real do believe community holds the answers … regards this circumstance I ask myself what’s missing. A community? A father? Where are the boy masculine roll models. Where are the mother’s intimate masculine role models? All the men keep showing up in uniforms… Then I want to direct my inquiries toward her: What about her anger? What are her relationships to men? How does she express her pain? Without much exception, I understand children to be a product of their parents, genetically and psychically. If I were bold I would say this child is expressing his mothers and probably his (fathers?) internalized repressed anger. But, psychologizing this isn’t enough at all… You cannot sperate this circumstance from its social context. US secular christian culture – yes. Late military, hyper-masculine, white, consumer capitalism – yes. Too much mother Jones – yes. Still, I come back to local, intimate community. My experience is that I find answers, healing, in community.
What I did post:
“I real do believe community holds the answers … I’m blogging about this! Thanks Laura!”
“I real do believe community holds the answers … Thanks for sharing this Jane. Super important. I’m going to blog about it now!”