I have been blogging everyday for over three months. Yesterday I missed a day. I got about 5 hours of sleep the last 4 nights. Yesterday evening I was passing out on the bus – grace woke me up at my stops because it wasn’t me. I got home at 6 was in bed at 7 and slept for 12 hours. I spend all day with forth graders on Friday. It was first time I had a whole class for the entire day. It was wonderful and exhausting. So I didn’t blog. And I’ve been thinking about that this morning with another roommate. I’m blogging now at 9:04am for the first time.
You can’t make perfection. My idea’s about perfection are bound up with my humanity. I understand perfection to have something to do with consistency – like the Earth’s rotation or the Sun’s ability to shine – consistency on such magnificent proportions that in all practical circumstances we would offer it up as an example of perfection. Or I adopt some concept of management when I think about perfection. It’s perfectly proportioned. He lived a perfect life – Jesus or whomever… Look at his legacy, etc. But even this concept falls short when considering the power of art. She baked a perfect pie, for instance. Or his building is perfectly suited with the infrastructure. Or even more boldly – this tree is perfect. Nature in its chaos and creativity is perfect.
At this point the notion of standard’s is completely gone. We are left with an idea. Perhaps Plato had it right all along. Perfection exists in the Ideal state, the realm of the Forms. Leave it to the gods… And here we have it at last. An appeal to those matters of spirit which draw us toward change and becoming like no other human experience can offer. LOVE. It is the love I have for writing which beckons me to write. And in part the hope that eventually I’ll have a reader because I write to be read, as a record of experience, existence.
On another matter, over the past few months I have been attending AA meetings daily with the intention of the coveted “90 in 90” – 90 meetings in 90 days. Right now I’m at day 37 or 38? I haven’t missed a day. BUT, on Monday I suspect my work schedule is going to prevent me from attending a meeting. I have worked pretty hard, especially the last few days to get to meeting despite my packed schedule and I have succeeded. I succeeded so much so that I barely slept for week. Which in turn had its consequences for my blogging consistency. A one day rupture. A one time failure.
God defies my abilities. I still tend towards bouts with victimization, abandonment, arrogance… I am on a journey with God. I am continually called to pay attention. Perfection eludes me for the sake of grace. I give up perfection for the power of progress and LOVE.