I made this video about 3 years ago. Today some friends insisted on viewing it. It was weird to watch it with them. BUT, it reminded me, it insisted that I follow my plans to dance this evening. I am a great dancer. This evening I danced my ass off and I danced well. It was my first Ecstatic Dance on Wednesday night in Oakland. Its a pretty large community. Beautiful, hippy, improv, sexual, sweaty, vegan, “aware” people – my age. We all gather together to dance, and its really awesome, evening healing. The music is – in my humble opinion – awesome. There is tea, massage, stretching, care. It is definitely safe. I feel safe. I like dancing amazing, breakdancing an-all, and there are very few opportunities to practice amazing in safety. Most places you go to dance people can’t deal with amazing so they project all their bullshit and it sucks, etc. Anyways, it was a wonderful day. Many great women. One I met named “Venus.” When she introduced her self I almost scoffed at how cliche her name was… I was triggered a bit tonight… there is sooo much sexual energy in the room and I don’t know how to deal with it very well. I just stay in my individual bubble and dance my ass off. I did try to dance with a woman and she made me feel silly by meeting me exactly where I was… she mirrored me and it was awkward – I was awkward with the women tonight… geese. I do feel a bit out of place in that community of people. I’m pretty critical actually.

Anyways, I just realized this evening that a few days ago was Eva’s birthday… I completely missed it. And I believe that’s the case with my feelings toward Eva right now. I completely miss her. I feel sad that I haven’t heard from her, that I haven’t reached out since she’s been back in SF.

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