The past is a silent voice. I am missing. I miss much. I often count it grace. I also count it tears. These passing years are built for mourning. My tears treat my lost heart. The moments of my life spent with people now missing. For people who miss me. Life drums on.
It is interesting resting in the presence of protection. On the bus, or in the bed room trust beckons… I rest most in the presence of others whose acts of sincerity convince me beyond doubt. Those spaces I feel the freedom to live through loss. Those spaces are sacred, the people are grace.
I do not know whether CIIS will accept my application for a Ph.D. I’m not sure I wouldn’t rather sue the institution for their multi-form betrayals.
I wonder about the bicycle law suit I have initiated. I believe in standing up for myself.
I have been thinking more and more about a woman I formerly dated named Eva. I miss the effection I received from her. I miss love.
I will be taking my things out of storage this week. There was a precious man I knew in the storage unit across from mine named School Boy. He was God. I have stories about this man. He was my mirror and my friend. I remember coming into the storage unit this summer after a long stint in TN and finding his unit empty. It gave me such great hope because I new he had made it off the streets, had a job and roof over his head. I knew that I would follow in his footsteps very soon. AND now that week has come. I do hope I will see him again in a better place.
There have been events in my life where God intervened with a strength and clarity that would awe onlookers… AND I have forgotten them. I am missing them. Great movies have captured this sentiment.
I dream of making a great movie. Almost called the “Lion’s Tale” – the story of evolutionary power, the process of disempowerment and kinship and God. One of the central stories in the film would be the story of Daniel in the Lion’s den. We would also see the very first time a proto-human beat a lion in a fight, and the evolving relationship between human and lion as lion is dethroned throughout evolutionary time and eventually becomes the adornment of the human, experiencing species domination just as they once dominated. That inter-species conscious connection would be the en-living thread exemplified in the tale of Daniel as the lions refuse to eat him because they sense a common bond of captivity and in not eating Daniel perform a refusal to conform to the powers that subject them to imprisonment – which is the grace of God in experience – for the sake of Daniel and the legacy of God’s promise.
There’s already, always more to miss…